Wrapping Up 2009!

This past year has been a doozie! It's been chock full of blessings and bum deals, laughter and tears, the good, bad and ugly. Through it all I've had an army of family and friends walking with me ... sometimes at my side, sometimes slightly behind to give me my space and other times carrying me when I didn't think I could or wanted to go any further. We did it! Another year down and the challenge of filling a new year with just as many good memories as the year before!

This post will be rather scatterbrained and slightly irritating to read for those who thrive on the usage of correct grammar. You've been forewarned, so don't blame me for the headache you'll surely develop by the time my blabbering has come to a stop for 2009.

A couple of posts ago I smacked you with some rotten news. I've had a run of extremely cruddy days dealing with that news. Many of you have written, emailed and called to ask what you can do to help me deal with it all. THANK YOU for being there! Just knowing that my friends, family, loved ones, and even people who don't know me, were there for me made this past week survivable. Now, I have some good news to share!!!

After being declared "unfit for surgery" and basically being told "there's nothing more we can do for you, Miss Jones" I got a phone call that lifted me! The multiple surgeons who were considering my case wanted the director of the radiation oncology department to reconsider the option of radiation as a means to buy me some "time". Dr. Grigsby went through my case file, read my multiple MRI's, PET Scans, CT scans, etc. etc. etc. and has decided that he's willing to try to help me if I am willing to take the risks!!! This past Monday my Aunt Deb and Aunt Jeane drove down to St. Louis to accompany me to The Siteman Cancer Center for a series of tests that would be required before beginning my radiation treatments. I usually make these trips alone, but this time, having my aunts by my side, made the terror subside. Just knowing that they were right down the hallway made me feel like all of the poking and prodding was going to be OK and that people still believed and had hope in me.

I'll spare you the vulgar details of my multiple tests, but I do have to tell you about a couple of circumstances that occur ed that had me giggling! First of all, I must preface this by saying that after 2 years of cancer treatment, one comes to a point in their life when you realize your body is no longer yours. Modesty is out the window. Techs, nurses, doctors, the cleaning lady and the candy stripers are welcome to poke and prod. It no longer bothers me. Well, I was laying on the CT Mapping table, surrounded by radiation specialists and techs. They all had blue Sharpie permanent markers in their hands to create the "map" of sorts on my nekked body. The funky looking design left on my body would soon be the design that would direct the radiation beams to the exact location in my body where the cancer would be. I wasn't uncomfortable at all, in fact I was quite comfy. Underneath me was a garbage bag filled with a very warm pre-foam/pre-form liquid that would soon shape itself to my body. This form will go with me every day to my radiation appointment and will help place my body in the correct position on the table. Anyway, when all of the folks started putting their lids back on their Sharpies I thought this part of my ordeal was over. Nope. I was wrong! I was going to get a late birthday present! I was informed that due to the nature of my cancer's location in my body, I'd need to have tattoos, REAL tattoos, placed in four locations on my waist and abdomen that would assist the radiation oncologists in correctly directing the radiation beam/field for every treatment. "Consistency" and "Accuracy" are big words in the radiation world, I've come to find out. Anyway, the radiation guy was a sweetheart. He apologized before he started tatting me for the pain that I would experience. I looked at him, smiled and said, "You don't understand! I've always had a secret desire to have a very small tattoo that only I would know was there! Now you're giving me four ... for FREE! (Well, Blue Cross Blue Shield can pay the bill, not me!)" It wasn't painful at all, and I couldn't wait to get out to the waiting room to inform my waiting aunts that I was now the bearer of 4 tattoos .... not much bigger than freckles, but tattoos nonetheless!!! I've now decided that when I beat this cancer, as I intend to do, I will have my tattoos turned into daisies! A couple of friends and family members have promised to join me for the celebration! I'm thinking that I could hire a tattoo artist (clean needles and ink, etc.) to come to the house for a "I Kicked Cancer's Butt" tattoo party! For those who'd rather not go permanent, we could have some press on tattoos as well! Think about joining us!



OK, back to the boring hospital talk, but this was fun too! You must know, if you have never met me "in the flesh", that I have been a "large girl" since my first year of college. Some people are polite and call it "big-boned" ... Me? I got fat, but I was comfortable in the body God made so each one of my children had his/her own place to rest their head when we all cuddled on the couch. In the past year I've lost well over 100 pounds because of my illness, not intentionally. I don't look "healthy" or "slender" as I did 45-50 pounds ago, I now look "sickly". Yesterday that didn't matter. I was lying on the PET Scan table, stark naked. The tech informed me prior to the procedure that I would be on the table, unable to move, for at least 45 minutes to an hour. This thought petrified me. I have had chronic pain in my legs and back for a very long time. Part of this is because of the tumor that has invaded my spine. I decided that I would spend that hour singing in my head and praying to God for that miracle I'm still hoping to be granted. After a period of time they stopped the machine and pulled the table out. I looked at the nurse and said, "That surely could not have been 45 minutes to an hour!" He looked at me and said seriously, "Miss Jones, because you are so tiny it only took 20 minutes!" HE CALLED ME TINY! I have never been tiny in my life! I thanked him for the compliment and asked if he told all of his patients that they too were tiny. He laughed as I continued my silent giggles. I wanted to run down the hall to where my aunts were waiting yelling "HE CALLED ME TINY! DID YOU HEAR THAT? I'M TINY!" I'm so ready to go back to a normal body size, but for this one moment in my life I enjoyed being referred to as "tiny."

Once radiation has been going on for a couple of weeks, my gyne/onc will evaluate my body's ability to possibly tolerate some chemo. I'm praying and hoping that we can try this! Chemo has never been awful for me. I just want to try it "one more time". It worked once, why not now?

After my appointments were complete, my little sister, Kristine, joined my aunts and myself for the "Great Steak Tour" at our local Outback Steakhouse. This is a tradition that my mother and her sister began years ago during her cancer treatments. Aunt Jeane, thank you for suggesting this! I actually ate until I was completely full! Ribeye steak, sweet potato, salad and a delicious dark bread with a cold iced tea on the side ... YUM!!!! And, although I had to bring some of it home, I still "ate the WHOOOOOOLE thing!"


Isaac, my 8 year old, got to spend a couple of days with our dear friends, the Yetters, on their farm in New Douglas, IL. My friend, Tonya was going to be home with her 3 oldest sons and thought Isaac would enjoy a couple of days off from Momma's medical garbage and just "hanging out with the dudes." He certainly did enjoy himself! Kristie, the kids and I drove out to the farm yesterday afternoon to pick him up. He came home in one piece, having played hours of Wii, gone redneck sledding in 20 degree weather (this involves a ride-on lawn mower, two old plastic sleds and some rope) and eating a coupon book of Mcdonalds side items (dipping apples, ice cream, etc.) Kristie and I enjoyed hanging out in Tonya's warm and cozy farm house, going through her new cookbook, "The Pioneer Woman Cooks." I must HIGHLY recommend looking up this woman online. Her blog/website can be found at http://www.thepioneerwoman.com/. You must go to her recipe section and peruse the many many fine recipes along with their step-by-step pictures and rather comical side-notes and cooking tips. Anyway, once I read the entire book (yes, I read every page ... she's that good!) Kristie and I packed my 5 kids into the van for a ride home in the dark. Before leaving town the kids and I wanted to show Kristie the house we had toured about a year ago (right before my cancer recurred). It was only a few blocks from Tonya's farm, no harm, right? Wrong! We ended up not turning onto a street, but into a field ... a cold, half muddy half frozen field. We got about a hundred feet in before we realized that things were only going to get worse. We spent the next 20 minutes (or so), in 20 degree weather, getting my van out of that field. Needless to say, we never made it to the other end of town to show Kristie our once "almost" Jones house! Instead the two "he-woman" Jones sisters decided to just head home! We stopped back at the Yetter's on our way out of town (for the second time) to pick up the incredibly delicious freshly-laid eggs that she had initially intended to send home with us. So, maybe our dive into the mud was God's way of reminding us that we'd forgotten our eggs! Once we arrived home I asked Isaac what was the most memorable part of his stay in New Douglas. He said, "That's easy! It was when we were stuck in the mud and you were peeing in the field behind the van and Aunt Kristie was all covered in mud in the cold, and all of us kids were sitting in the van laughing! We were warm! By the way, Mom, does pee freeze?" Gotta love being Momma to boys!!!

Oh! Backing up a few days ... I forgot to share our Christmas with you! WOW! We were blessed this year with wonderful gifts from friends and family! Staff members from the school district "adopted" our family as well as our medical home supply delivery office! Things have been difficult financially this year with all of the medical bills and unexpected needs. Thank you to the Kempers as well!! We love you all! I have to brag on a special gift given to me this year. My dear cousin, Kim, is co-owner of a company called Kim 'n Cath bags. Their page on Facebook is at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Kim-n-Cath-Bags/117059442480 . Please check them out! Kim made a purse for me that not only is fun and beautiful, she really put her heart and lots of love into it! I will try to post a picture of the purse here on my blog in the next day or so. I must first find my SD card for my camera! Kim's creativity is amazing! She also made a messenger bag for Anita and a very-well loved teddy bear for Alyssa!

We enjoyed spending Christmas Day with Dad, Kristie, Eric and Christopher! The kids played with their gifts, watched movies and we ate and ate and ate!!!!

That must end my chattering for now. You are all very dear to me. Please know that your kind words and prayers are what makes my days and nights tolerable. You keep me laughing and hold me when I cry. I hope that your New Year is Prosperous and blessed! Here's to another year of blogging!!!

Until 2010,

Kathy

P.S. Just as I was signing off I got a phone call from my urologist's office. I am going to be having some minor surgery done at MoBap next Tuesday morning, the 6th of January. I'd forgotten that I'd put that decision off until after we knew if I was going to have the major stuff done at Siteman or not. So, Aunt Jeane, I'll have my stent replaced exactly a week before yours! Please keep my father in your prayers that day as he'll have my entire troup of kiddos!